Porthos looked at the lines of pain and exhaustion on Athos' face and immediately regretted sharing his concerns. The last thing Athos needed right now was to be puzzling over things. "Get some sleep. I'll find out what's going on with Aramis. He's probably just worked up over what happened." Athos didn't look as though he agreed, but he was fortunately too weary to protest. By the time Porthos had reached the other side of the room, Athos was already falling back to sleep.

Porthos closed the door quietly and turned to find the last person he expected waiting for him. He was too stunned for a moment to speak.

If anything, Aramis looked worse than Athos. He spoke first. "I am sorry, my friend. I should not have struck you."

It's all right."

Aramis' jaw tightened. "No. It's not."

Porthos risked taking half a step nearer to him. "Aramis, please. Won't you tell me what's wrong?"

Aramis wrapped his arms around himself and stared down at the dirty flag stones. "Can we not talk about it. Just let it go, Porthos. Please."

"And if I agree? Will you at least see Athos?"

"Not now," said Aramis, quickly.

Porthos regarded him sadly. "How can I let this go? Whatever it is, it's destroying us."

"And what if talking about it only makes it worse?"

Porthos tried to make it easier for him. "I know that something happened. I'm not talking about Athos getting hurt. Something else. Something happened to you?"

Aramis didn't say anything.

"You said you made a choice. What did you choose, Aramis?"

"I chose to save Athos."

"Is that why you're angry with him? Because it was to save him?"

Aramis shook his head and turned his face away, clearly too distraught to speak.

Porthos closed the last of the distance between them and lightly touched Aramis' arm. He could feel Aramis shaking. "Aramis?" Porthos stared in dismay as Aramis ducked out from under his hand, sliding down the wall and burying his head in his folded arms. Aramis' shoulders shook harder with the force of his anguish.

Porthos dropped to his knees beside him. Aramis reached out and Porthos took his friend in his arms without hesitation. "Whatever you want. If you don't want to talk about it we won't. Please, Aramis." Porthos hardly knew what he was saying. He only knew it was tearing him apart to see his friend this way.

Aramis wrenched away from him suddenly. Rubbing harshly at his face, he spat out the words as though they scalded his tongue. "I sold myself. There, I said it. I sold myself for a needle and thread. I got down on my knees and let them fu-"

Porthos instinctively put his hand over Aramis' mouth to silence the horror of the truth before it could spill forth. He stared at Aramis and gentled his hand, stroking Aramis' face even as tears flowed down his own cheeks. "No. No. No," he moaned, shaking his head in denial. "No, Aramis. No."

Aramis pressed his cheek into Porthos' large hand and held it there.

Porthos drew Aramis close and kissed his forehead, resting his lips there as he spoke. "I would that they were still alive, so I could make them pay for what they have done to you. They died too quickly by my hand. If I had but known-" Porthos drew back a little, cupping Aramis' face between his hands.

"I do not regret it," said Aramis. There was a wildness to his gaze as he looked at Porthos. "And I would do it again without hesitation to save his life."

"I know."

"Or for you," said Aramis. "I would make that choice for you."

Porthos couldn't stem the tears that flowed down his face. "I know you would." He pulled Aramis back into an embrace with a choked sound of grief. "I know you would."

They sat like that for some time. When they finally drew apart, Aramis voiced his willingness to sit with Athos. "But he must not know of this."

"Aramis-"

"-No," said Aramis. "Athos carries enough darkness within him. I will not add to his burden. This was my choice."

"He'll want to know why you've been avoiding him, and why you hit me. He's not going to believe that you were just upset."

"I will think of something. But I want your word that you won't say anything."

"I won't lie to him," said Porthos. "But unless he asks outright, I won't speak of it."

Aramis didn't look entirely happy with this answer, but he said no more. Getting to his feet, he ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"You might want to clean up a bit before you go in there,"said Porthos.

"Is there water in the room?"

"Yeah. You could do it in there if you're quick and quiet about it. He was close to being asleep when I left. He must have gone off by now."

Aramis walked over to the door. He glanced back at Porthos, who gave him an encouraging nod. Aramis sucked in a sharp breath and opened it. Stepping inside the room he shut the door behind him.

No sooner was Aramis out of sight, Porthos put his hands to his face and wept anew.