Oooh, very nice, anon, very nice. What worked well for me was how Athos gradually became more and more single-mindedly focussed on just keeping on to carry Aramis, eventually having psyched himself up to the point where nothing else mattered, disregarding his own limits and reason.
If you are up for concrit, there are two details that didn't quite work for me: First, at the beginning, after the shot, thud, and not having heard/seen anything of Aramis, Athos looked to him when curiosity got the better of him, which reads somewhat careless and blasé, and I think worry might have been a better motivator here.
Secondly, this: Damn you for being so infuriating, frustrating and testing my patience at every opportunity. Damn you for never listening to us and thinking you’re always doing the right thing by keeping us out of it. Damn you for not realising that we’d lay down our lives for you as you would for us. Damn you for your charm, smiles and the ability you have to wrap everyone around your little finger. Damn you for getting yourself into ridiculous situations. It seems a bit abrupt and out of nowhere. Yes, Athos is channelling his anger at Aramis for lack of another target, but there's a big emphasis here that reads like Aramis has a habit of taking risks and having little regard for his own life that seems out of place, since the story didn't include Aramis e.g. getting shot by putting himself between Athos and the attack.
Re: Fill: Athos + Unconscious Aramis 2/2
If you are up for concrit, there are two details that didn't quite work for me: First, at the beginning, after the shot, thud, and not having heard/seen anything of Aramis, Athos looked to him when curiosity got the better of him, which reads somewhat careless and blasé, and I think worry might have been a better motivator here.
Secondly, this: Damn you for being so infuriating, frustrating and testing my patience at every opportunity. Damn you for never listening to us and thinking you’re always doing the right thing by keeping us out of it. Damn you for not realising that we’d lay down our lives for you as you would for us. Damn you for your charm, smiles and the ability you have to wrap everyone around your little finger. Damn you for getting yourself into ridiculous situations. It seems a bit abrupt and out of nowhere. Yes, Athos is channelling his anger at Aramis for lack of another target, but there's a big emphasis here that reads like Aramis has a habit of taking risks and having little regard for his own life that seems out of place, since the story didn't include Aramis e.g. getting shot by putting himself between Athos and the attack.